Friday 2 May 2014

Encouragement For Feeling Deficient

I'm know I haven't posted in ages, life has been increasingly busy. There's been much happening in my life. 
My son Jude is now four, he's brilliant, funny, loving, and clever. 
I have a daughter named Rowan that is sixteen months old. She is smart, quirky, reserved, and sweet. 
I will be 21 this Saturday, I can't believe how fast the previous year went by. 
I am still single- Rowan's dad and I never got back together and I had a relationship with a great man for nearly eight months, but that didn't work out. There's more to that story, but I'll save that for another time.
I am home full time, and still do childcare out of my home, and as much as I enjoy doing it, I miss having a real job some days. 
I have enormous self esteem issues. I've tried losing weight and getting into shape, but it's been a challenge. I long to go to the gym and work out, but I don't have the means to do so, I've tried eating better and exercising daily, and it hasn't changed anything. 

So, my life hasn't changed very much over the last two years, aside from having Rowan, moving, and getting a giant dog, everything else seems to be quite similar. 
It's actually kind of saddening, how much my life has remained on pause. At times I don't feel as though I've progressed or moved forward with my life, I feel like I lack personal growth aswell.  

I see the people around me moving forward and being successful in their lives, and I feel like I am miles behind them. They are getting engaged, or married, or buying houses, and I'm still here, renting, single, and stuck. Feeling inadequate. 

I've picked up some hobbies, learning to make clothes, I have realized that I'm surprisingly artistic. I've taken up drawing portraits, not my best skill, but it's not that bad. 

I've become involved with other moms, parenting groups in the area, taken quite a few parenting classes. I've improved my parenting and have become a much better Mom than I used to be. 

Even though I've made positive changes in my life and have become a better person, I still feel like I haven't progressed in my life. I still feel empty. 
But I've noticed something, when I spend time reading my Bible, studying the word, a little spark ignites within me. I feel a little more whole, I feel good. 

I am not very good at keeping up on it though and within a few days, I'm back to where I was, feeling empty and incomplete. It's amazing the difference it makes, how it changes me, and my outlook on things. I feel better about myself, my life, my accomplishments, and my family. 

The bible speaks about self esteem and feeling good about yourself and your life, so even when I am feeling down, the Lord's word encourages me, and helps me. When I am afraid, worried about my life, or upset about daily things, God comforts me. God helps me through my self esteem problems aswell, He helps me feel good about myself, His word shows me how He sees me, and how much He loves me. 

Psalms 46: 1-3 
God is our shelter and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not be afraid, even if the earth is shaken and mountains fall into the ocean depths; even if the seas roar and rage, and the hills are shaken by the violence.

Song Of Solomon 4:7 
You are all together beautiful, my love, there is no flaw in you. 

1st Peter 3: 3-4
Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair and putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 

2nd Corinthians 12: 10
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities, for when I am weak, then I am strong. 

Isaiah 41: 10

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


Philippians 4: 6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

2nd Timothy 1:7

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

God is always here to encourage me, and he wants to do the same for you, just have to let him. Step by step I am learning to feel better about myself and my life, even though it's hard and takes a lot of work, I am thankful for the work God is doing within me. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  

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